Introducing your toddler to their new baby sibling sounds magical—until it isn’t.
When we brought our 16-month-old daughter to meet her baby brother just hours after birth, we, well I (mom) had high hopes. What we got instead was exhaustion, tears (hers and mine), and a big dose of regret about how we handled it. I do have to say that looking back at the pictures, it looks like we had a sweet moment in the chaos. So here’s what not to do, and what we would 100% change if we had the chance to do it over again.
What Went Wrong
We brought our toddler to the hospital a few hours after I gave birth. Sounds sweet, right? Except:
- She hadn’t napped
(at all). - She was overtired and overwhelmed
after a short night and skipped routine. - We forgot to pack snacks.
Rookie mistake. - No gift or distraction (this was left at home).
Just… chaos. - She showed up with dirty clothes and wild hair—and I
had barely slept. Honestly, I cried just seeing her like that which might sound mean, but if you know, you know - hormones are everywhere.
We wanted this “first meeting” to be a beautiful bonding moment like all the instagram reels, pinterests posts and tiktok videos I had seen to "prepare". Instead, it felt like a rushed handover in the middle of an emotional hangover.
What We’d Do Differently
If I had a do-over—or if we ever welcome a third—I’d change everything about how we handled that first sibling introduction.
Here’s what I’d do instead:
1. Do it at home, not the hospital
Home feels safer, calmer, and more predictable for a toddler. No beeping machines, sterile lights, or hospital smell. And most imporantly, no mom in a strange bed with strangers around. Let the first meeting happen where your toddler feels most in control, and give them all the attention they need. For us, this night was the first night in her 16 months of living where she was not sleeping in the room next door to ours.
2. Wait until everyone is rested
No skipped naps, no short nights. A well-rested toddler is a much more flexible and emotionally regulated toddler. Same goes for mama. Maybe it sounds selfish to keep the toddler away for a bit to rest up yourself, but it will just be a better meeting for everyone.
3. Shower first
Not for vanity—just to feel like yourself. A clean body, fresh clothes, and 10 quiet minutes alone will do more for your mindset than anything else.
4. Have the baby in a bassinet or bed—not in your arms
Let your toddler come in and see the baby on their own terms. That visual makes a huge difference in how “invited” they feel to the experience.
5. Feed the baby first
A crying or nursing newborn immediately steals all the attention. Make sure the baby is fed and calm before the toddler arrives.
6. Bring snacks and a surprise gift
Toddlers are still babies themselves. Snacks help regulate their mood, and a small gift “from the baby” helps them associate this new human with something positive. Even stickers or a new book can work. We got our toddler a baby doll with a bottle, which was amazing after day 1. She could feed her baby while I fed the newborn and she felt very proud.
7. Lower the expectations
Don’t expect a movie moment. This is a huge transition—especially for kids close in age. Keep it short, positive, and let them lead.
Final Thoughts
Looking back, I realize we put our toddler (and ourselves) in a situation that wasn’t fair. She didn’t understand what was happening. She was tired, hungry, and confused—and we were emotionally raw and stretched thin. If we do it again, the plan is simple: slow down, set the stage, and prioritize emotional safety over tradition.
If you’re prepping for baby #2 and wondering how to introduce your toddler, learn from our chaos. Wait a day or at least an extra hour. Take a shower. Feed the baby. And let your toddler meet their sibling when everyone is ready—not just when it fits the schedule. I was too excited to see my toddler to think of the consequences.